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soldiers come quickly

Below are the 10 most recent journal entries.

 

 
  2012.05.08  03.42


i'm waiting for the day livejournal closes up shop and i find my profile has been deleted. til then i will keep writing to myself on the internet. it's 3:30 am and i cannot sleep. i really want to smoke a cigarette even though i can smell the gross butts in the ashtray on the table next to me and i know it will keep me awake even longer and make my foot shake. i'm not gonna smoke one. i hate red wine but i bought a bottle for 500-en and i keep drinking it down and making a face to the dismay of everyone in my apartment. so, to my dismay. my teeth always get stained and chalky. i'd much rather white. it reminds me of ice cubes and crispy chips or pistachios or something. i'm alone as shit. i don't talk or interact with other human beings other than seven year old japanese children and the guys at 7-11. they are pretty cute and sit on my lap and play with my hair and such. the children, not the guys at 7-11. although i would probably ask one or two of them to have a beer with me if i knew how to invite someone to have a beer. why do i always lay on my stomache after eating? why am i typing nothing to nobody in this stupid box? i am writing a lot, that's for sure. henry chinaski has really got me going. so does the wind here and the earthquakes and my balcony and the pacific ocean. i always want more. why am i always planning the next meal and smoke and lesson and phone call and body movement and email and plane ticket and degree? it seems detrimental to living harmoniously. does it ever work out that shit just happens and i don't have to fuckin plan ahead for it? i don't have a goddamn planner for a reason so why do i always have to be in tomorrow and next week and five years from now in my mind? it's not very peaceful. not at all.

 
 


 
  2012.02.10  01.19


inseguridad. voy aprendiendo el japones. me gusta. despues de cada leccion yo me siento mejor que antes...como si una piedra ha lifted de la espada. pero bueno este sentimiento existe como un momento breve entre muchos estresantes. mis ambiciones pesan mucho y el margin de error me parece grandissimo. entiendo que si no pongas esfuerza, no se puede tener exito. pero sabes que si no pongas esfuerza, no hay la posibilidad de dolor del fracaso? siiiiii, sabes. sabes que yo te quiero a ti? sabes que yo te odio a ti? tantos sentimientos.

 
 


 
  2011.11.12  14.40


i have this idea...about the heavy bass movement....and detroit's renaissance....

 
 


 
  2010.12.10  00.25


i can be such an idiot at times.

 
 


 
  2010.05.11  00.13


at the place i work, miki japanese restaraunt, we sell fried chicken drumstix with finger lickin' bbq sauce but we call it 'tatsatsu age draped delicately in tonkatsu sauce' and charge eight dollars for six bites of chicken. pffft four star appetizer? and the seventy year old man cooking in the kitchen doesn't know his right hand from his ass and can't manage main courses for more than three tables at once without throwing a goddamn hissy fit but he makes more money than me and his wrinkly ass somehow thinks he has the right to make me cower. and the worst part is, i know it's because he is afraid of me. i am white and speak english quickly and he is afraid of me so he belittles me. and the other chef, our main chef is a thirty year old illegal who stares at me all day, hablando en español about mis manos, mis labios, mis ojos and he is married con hijo. ahem. sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen? and all of these customers think they are coming in for fine japanese cuisine and there they sit, high and mighty on their cheap vinyl thrones, tutting, clicking their stupid tongues, yelling at me for bringing out their goddamn 'sushi', TACKLE BAIT ON RICE WITH VINEGAR called TORO (fatty tuna) that cost NINE FUCKING DOLLARS FOR ONE BITE (toro sort of detracts from my fast approaching conclusion because it is actually worth the nine dollars per bite, but i needed an extreme price gouging example) before i bring out their fucking deep fried mayonaisse and crabstick and butter appetizer. nothing authentic, nothing is efficient, nothing at this establishment is what it's supposed to be. but i made a hundred bux tonight working from four to nine. and how can i expect myself to take the route less traveled in real life when i completely ignore my personal standards on a every'other'daily basis for the sake of

money.

it's sick. i must be sick to smile at them when i want to sneer, when i SHOULD want to.

 
 


 
  2009.10.11  12.51


TEN WORDS FROM YOU, and my thoughts revolve around only you for the entire day. it is quite a problem.

 
 


 
  2009.08.16  23.56


i cannot believe the fucked up shit i hear. or the crazy things that are happening. and i have writer's block............ . . . .....

 
 


 
  2009.07.30  22.30


"the haven of your mouth/low thicket of kisses"

 
 


 
  2009.02.20  16.30


feeling good was good enough for me.



 
 


 
  2007.05.27  12.25


minus the whole no-smoking bullshit and the whole i have to save up 300 dollars bullshit, i'm finally excited to be going to washington dc in july.  aghhhh!!

 
 



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